I'm really glad that the #MeToo movement has also brought awareness to something that is going on as long as I can remember: casual, annoying, boring, paternalistic, arrogant and very aggressive DAILY SEXISM. Except that it can seem so deceptively minor, even subtle, that the untrained female ears and eyes didn't pick up on it when we were much younger - because we had gotten much too used to it.
I don't know about you - but I'm quite aware of it now, more than ever - and I've just about had it. Maybe you too? Let's learn how to fight back.
Here's a classic case that happened to me the other day.
I'm riding the bus down Hollywood Blvd., which is in itself a slow freak-show - left and right are large groups of Asian tourists in little white hats staring at impersonators like Spiderman, Minnie Mouse, and Edward Scissorhands.
A man in his late thirties with the aura (and the body) of a muscled tough guy who's looking for trouble enters the bus and plops down right next to me. If you ride an L.A. bus (or the Metro for that matter) you need to be on your toes and prepared for being the target of just about all that humanity has to offer. All of public transportation have been taken over by the homeless. If you manage to squeeze by the overfilled carts and mountains of old plastic bags held by people who talk to themselves or are dozing off, and can secure a seat, you are lucky.
So this guy, perky and clean, with a crew cut, a mean square chin, lots of tattoos, and military boots whips out his phone and starts dialing and talking with a booming voice, right next to my ear. It's this male entitlement attitude that always gets to me. So, I look at him, smile, and say in a playful fashion: "Do you mind lowering your voice a bit?" He can't believe it! Who am I to dare speak to a loudmouth macho?
"Let me tell you something," he says in a bossy tone. Oh no, not the "let me tell you something routine" is all I think. He goes on: "I fought in the Iraq war and I'm hard of hearing, OK?" Upon seeing me not being impressed, he barks, "I fought for my country!"
My personal opinion is that if I were a bit hard of hearing I would NOT make loud phone calls in a bus, especially not subjecting people to long chats of the tritest nature. "Well, it's still too loud, war or not", I mumble and pretend to look at my phone.
But Mr. Soldier won't or can't let go. His chest pecs widen as if he is trying to fill them with more male authority. "Let me tell you something! (again) I served my country."
"Yeah, I got that," I answer. He goes on, now staring at me like an angry colonel, "I don't like you telling me what to do, get that?"
I look bored (I'm good at that) but from the depth of my soul an old feeling creeps up. I hear (male) teachers putting us girls down, see the superior feeling boys treating us like inferior underdogs.
"Did you get that?" Bully Boy has the nerve to ask me again - in a threatening tone. What am I? An obedient little girl answering Daddy? My foot begins to tap, up and down, a sign of impatience mixed with seething anger. "Let it go, it's not worth reacting to that asshole!" says my pragmatic voice. #EnoughAlready counters the #FeistyGirlsFightBack voice. I take a deep breath.
"Now let ME tell you something. I don't like the way you talk to me, get that? So we're even in our dislikes!" I give him a stern stare with a touch of arrogance - don't know how I pull it off - and get busy with my phone.
He doesn't say anything and gets up because it's his stop. Some people in the bus are looking at me surprised. And I keep thinking about the fact that for hundreds of years we live indeed in a patriarchy - which is an authoritarian structure where men bark at women and demand obsequiousness and following their orders. And I felt as strongly as ever that this f#cked up power-game needs to be dismantled NOW. When I walked home, I had to grin ever so slightly victorious. Intimidation isn't an option anymore. Do you know what I mean?
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